


The War is Far From Here

by MysteriousStranger



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Elle - Freeform, F/F, Gen, I don't actually know what I'm doing but enjoy!, This is a descent into madness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:01:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousStranger/pseuds/MysteriousStranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>**Hey everyone, this fic is on a very very long hiatus and I will probably never finish it. It was my first attempt and not very good. So be warned...**</p><p> </p><p>Carmilla's mysterious past, Laura's mysterious future. Is this a supernatural romance doomed to failure? Time will tell.</p><p>Intrigue! Mayhem! Mystery! Comedy! Suspense! Vampire tears! All contained within. </p><p>Takes place just after episode 36 with some flashbacks. This work attempts to explain all the loose ends after the first season. So it may get a little longwinded but if you stick with it I think you'll like the storyline. It isn't all fluff and will deal with some meaty plot points as well as trying to work in more of the original Le Fanu text into the story.</p><p>First fic ever so... excuse errors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All You Ever Do Is Walk Away

"I have an idea," Laura blurted out with more confidence than she felt. "We just go. We leave for Reading Week and we never come back... I mean, we can do that right?" She faltered, her voice grew small. "Right?" Laura looked at Carmilla, she looked at La Fontaine. "Right?"

But no one answered. The silence and fear in the room was suffocating, pushing out every good feeling.

"What if it runs after us? We don't know what that thing is, if it's got legs, tentacles, pincers of evil! It could scuttle wherever it wants to at the speed of light! And the light is hungry, probably very hungry - after gobbling a tough old Dean appetizer! Does the book say anything - anything at all?"

LaFontaine was trying to suppress the panic in their voice and it was catching. Laura and LaFontaine both turned to Carmilla. She was the brave one, she'd lived through so much, she'd saved them all, or at least they all thought so until now. She was the hero, wasn't she? Well wasn't she?

"Carm?" Laura almost pleaded.

"Cupcake," said Carmilla helplessly, gesturing half-heartedly at nothing. It was just a façade of her normal bravado. She looked at Laura, looked down at the book. "What do you want me to say?"

"What do we do?"

"If you want to run away, we'll run away." Carmilla shrugged without making eye contact. It almost sounded for a moment as though... she'd lost interest. But -

"Is there any other way out?" Laura persisted.

"And where would we go?" Carmilla said finally, in her low, smoky voice. She didn't look up again. She began flicking the parchment corner of the open page repeatedly. Laura had never seen her nervous and distracted like this before, she always seemed so languid and cool and deliberate in her movements. "Where is there left for us?"

Carmilla's eyes stared at nothing, as though she was thinking of some far distant time. She'd been running all her life, away from her Mother. She'd tried so many times, and failed so many times. Perhaps for her, there _was_ nowhere to go. And if she couldn't find a way, where did that leave Laura? Where did that leave any of them? It was troubling. In such a short time they'd learnt to depend on Carmilla's strengths. To give up now - what would happen to them? But the sound of Carmilla's voice then was so woeful Laura had a sudden urge to take her into her arms and comfort her. Right, comfort a centuries old, all powerful, super cool, extremely attractive vampire who had just begrudgingly saved most of Silas. As if that would do anything.

They were still a little tentative with each other, when they weren't giving each other these intense looks and secret touches across the constant interruptions from well-meaning friends. She knew Carmilla raged about that inwardly, all the barging in. She felt it was childish. But then she thought everything was childish. She was this private, still mysterious girl who tolerated Laura's insatiable need to document everything in her ongoing vlogging project only because it was Laura's. That was remarkable in itself. In another dorm room with another roommate she probably would have smashed the laptop to bits by now. Hell, she would have moved out already. She was kind of spontaneous like that. But with Laura, she stayed. Laura liked that she stayed, but she still couldn't figure out why. She didn't know what Carmilla saw in her at all, even now. All she knew was she still couldn't help shivering every time Carmilla's eyes raked over her, staring as though staring were touching.

They still bickered as roommates, that part hadn't changed, and Laura was glad of that, of holding onto some kind of normality after the violence, what normality could be had at Silas, at any rate. They were so different, her life felt so insignificant compared to what Carmilla must have gone through, the good, the bad, the evil. Comforting Carmilla was like hugging a raging fire, you were liable to get hot and burnt at the same time. Hot because being hot was better than being cold. Hot in terms of fire being hot that is. But being burnt was bad. Right. Metaphorically speaking. Oh god. Laura sighed, her eyes taking in the outline of Carmilla's bowed head. Her hair was a gorgeous mess, hiding her face.

There had to be a way out. Laura wasn't going to give up, not on Carmilla, not on her friends. She'd suffered through too many of her dad's lectures on staying safe and avoiding the dangers of the world to die now at the fins of an evil fish creature. Her dad would kill her if she died now.

"What does the book say?" LaFontaine persisted. Their phone dinged suddenly and they held onto it as though they were grabbing a lifeline, knuckles a pale white.

"Nothing. The book says nothing."

"Are... are you sure?"

"I've only read it about a hundred times."

"But maybe you missed some kind of linguistic... innuendo in Sumerian. Or something." Laura helpfully prodded. Carmilla laughed mirthlessly.

"Cutie, if there was innuendo of any kind anywhere in this book, trust me, I'd get it," Carmilla said wryly. She sighed. "Fine, here, take this, Sherlock. Maybe this will stop all these endless annoying questions." She stretched behind her for a sheaf of papers from her bookshelf and handed them LaFontaine.

"I wrote down a basic translation of everything on Lophiiformes before Laura made off with the all important bathmat. Yes, including the blood spilled sections. Stupid waste of good blood if you ask me."

LaFontaine, never a one for waiting when research was on the line, started to scrutinize the pages that had been hastily torn out of Carmilla's spiral bound notebook. Their phone dinged again, and again, distractingly. They glanced at their phone briefly, eyes looking puzzled.

Carmilla, with horror, and Laura, with secret amusement, both saw the back of the last page at the same time, which had slowly fallen over its fold. It was all scribbled over with Laura's name in an elegant copperplate cursive with pictures of cupcakes and other edible things doodled on it. Carmilla had a lot of time on her hands during Philosophy lectures and a wandering mind and a lot of hunger... apparently. Carmilla quickly snatched the loose page from the pile in LaFontaine's hands, scrunched it up and threw it over her shoulder, where it expertly landed in the wastepaper bin. She avoided Laura's slow, wide smile but didn't flinch when Laura lay her hand gently on her knee. Laura made a mental note to check the wastepaper bin later when Carmilla was out. Well?! It wasn't every day a brooding vampire doodled cute notes about you. That had to be saved for posterity. Carmilla continued, clearing her throat a little, ignoring LaFontaine's confused look as they looked up from their phone.

"It's an ancient, anglerfish big bad, okay? See that part there? There's something about blah blah the ways that bind, how to bind its power to yourself but..."

"Oh! That sounds good right? Right?"

"Yeah, but it's just about how an all powerful entity, such as my late dearly departed Maman, can suck out its power and make herself even more annoying at family and/or vampire cult gatherings. It doesn't say anything about how to stop it once fishy-fish swallows said evil mother bones and all and regains its power."

"But can't we rebind its power to us?" said LaFontaine. "I mean I could do with some ultimate power. We bend it to our will. Right?" LaFontaine looked hopeful.

"Hey! Now why didn't I think of that? Sure, would _you_ like to find five other virgin dimwits to sacrifice? Are you volunteering, Ginger-snappy?" Carmilla's voice was withering. She sighed again and combed her fingers through her hair distractedly.

"Face it, there's no way we can escape. There's never been any way out, not for me, not for anyone. Don't you think I've tried? We were fools to think we could fight. I'm a fool to think I could ever outrun my dear mother. Even in death, she defeats me."

Carmilla's voice was resigned and bitter and when she was resigned and bitter she fell back into her old-fashioned melodramatic ways of speaking. Okay, now Laura wanted to take her in her arms and shake her. How brooding could a 334 year old vampire get? Laura hadn't backed down when Betty and the rest of the girls started disappearing and she was damned if she would back down now. The budding investigative journalist in her refused to stop until she found answers.

"Ugh, do you have to be such a pessimist all the time? Why do you always just... give up so easily? Can't we -"

"You try going to this university for a million years under the tutelage of Mother Deanest and see if you stay an optimist, little Miss Pollyanna." But she sounded slightly guilty. She flicked the corner of the page again and again. What was up with her?

There they were, snarking at each other. Something stirred up inside of Laura, she didn't know whether it was her old antagonism to Carmilla's perversity or something else entirely. Her eyes drifted down to Carmilla's face, the soft line of her lips and firm line of her set jaw. Carmilla's head lifted suddenly and caught her off guard, raising a quizzical eyebrow as Laura blushed at being caught staring. Carmilla's smile slowly blossomed as she returned the stare, brushing her hair back without breaking their eye contact. Laura was caught in the glow of her smile and tried to stop from trembling. It was ridiculous the effect Carmilla had on her. It seemed like such a short time ago that Laura had her own fingers running through that soft dark hair. And there was still the memory of her lips against her own, hungry after death. But she shook her head clear, she had to focus. Focus! LaFontaine's phone suddenly dinged again and Laura almost jumped.

"There must be something. There's always something! Something in that book, something in the library, something! I have spatulas! I have bear spray! I refuse to give up! It's up to us. We have to save our friends. We have to save Silas. We have to save the world!" Laura positively squeaked as panic sent her thoughts into a frenzy.

"Just - whoa, there pickles," Carmilla's voice was her usual drawl now, always amused at something, always detached. "Friends, eh? What happened to running away and never coming back?"

Well, it was okay for her, she'd live no matter what. Or not live, because she was already dead. Whatever. The point was, it was different for mere mortals. There was the rest of Silas to consider. The Faculty were worse than useless and were all like headless chickens now that the Dean was gone. The Alchemy Club, the Zetas, even the Silas Glee Club were total weirdos but didn't deserve to die. She was not going to be mincemeat for an ancient Sumerian angler fish. She was not.

"You're the 300 year old vampire philosophy major who knows a gazillion languages, if you're so clever, you think of something."

"So you're thinking, well, if I can't figure out some way to save the only person I've ever cared about in a hundred some years, I'd somehow be more motivated to save every idiot at freaking Silas University, bane of my life?" she said dryly, "oh... oh wait, now that you mention it, here's an escape plan I prepared earlier, let me get it out my back pocket."

The realisation hit them both at exactly the same second. They stared at each other, eyes locked completely. If a vampire could be said to blush, Carmilla blushed. She clearly hadn't meant to blurt that out like that, especially not in front of LaFontaine. That she did meant... something. Laura didn't have time to dwell too much on what that meant. But her face said it all. She blushed furiously for both of them, her heart beating fast. Crushed, in so many ways. Did Carmilla really like her that much? She couldn't possibly. Laura was just - just an impulsive teenage wannabe journalist who kept getting in the way. But her heart was fast melting and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Except -

LaFontaine cleared her throat loudly after a while, coughing politely. Carmilla's brow furrowed again. Oh god, everything she did made her so beautiful, why was that?

"You know, maybe you're right."

Laura spluttered, forced out of the moment. "I'm right? Yes! I'm right. Thank you Carm, I -"

"The best thing to do probably is for you to leave here, maybe hike over the mountains. That's the fastest way. Get to safety, find your dad. At least you can spend your last days together."

"Carmilla!"

"I'm sorry, cupcake. I don't think there's any running from this. If you want to run, run, but the past will always catch up with us. Or in this case, the future."

"What? I don't underst-"

"I told you, Bonnie Tyler, I'm not a hero. Really, don't expect me to be one." She sighed and settled down into her bed, covering her face with the Sumerian tome like a tent, her legs splayed out lazily. She groaned in a way that was unacceptably attractive. "These constant near death experiences are bringing out my narcolepsy. I'm so - yawn - tir'ed. Sleep time now. Gave you the translation. There's nothing more I can do here. So leave me in peace." Her voice was muffled, trailing away.

"I live here!" Laura said, indignantly. That was what it was like, all these ups and downs. Carmilla was the kind who would kiss you then kick you, metaphorically speaking. Laura was about to protest. But LaFontaine was making silent motions in the air towards the door which she didn't quite understand. They cleared their throat and coughed loudly. Laura frowned in confusion and opened her lips to speak.

"Not you, sweetheart, I mean this ginger interloper," murmured Carmilla. A cool hand reached out and held onto hers gently. "You can stay. No offence but get lost, LaFontaine. And shut the door on your way out. And tell anyone in the corridor who's thinking of barging in here to die."

Her thumb languidly stroked Laura's hand. Oh, that was distracting. Laura was finding it hard to breathe. She wanted to stay, so much. But Carmilla was just trying to fool her, to get her to stop with the questions, as always. Was it so bad to search for answers, to search for the truth? LaFontaine coughed signifcantly once again. Carmilla exhaled out in irritation.

"Seriously?! I know I'm a vampire, but I don't like your coughin'. I'm trying to sleep here. Get. Out!"

A hand reached out from under the tome and gestured towards the door decisively. Laura suppressed a laugh even as LaFontaine blinked in confusion. But then - Carmilla wanting to make her laugh with terrible puns - she was trying to divert her attention again. But problems don't just go away because you go to sleep and stop thinking about them. Laura was going to get to the bottom of this, vampire or no vampire.

"Carm, how can you sleep at a time like this? Don't you even care? How can you not care? I mean we could all be dead very shortly." Laura ignored Laf's nudging, tried to ignore Carmilla's thumb tracing circles on her hand.

"What? I said you can stay, sugar plum!" The voice was slow and languid even as her nicknames got more ridiculous. "All the more reason to stay. Stay." She tugged gently at her hand coaxingly. Somehow her seduction eyes had made their way into her voice as well.

Laura hesitated, but LaFontaine now tugged insistently at her, jerking her head towards the door. Carmilla's slim black legs crossed nonchalantly, black boots on the bed again, making room, no doubt expecting her to stay. No one could resist that voice for long. Laura could practically see her smirking under that book. God, she was so infuriating! But that space next to her looked so tempting. To be alone with her. They just never had enough time together as it was. No! They had to figure something out, with or without her.

"Gah! Fine, I'm going to the - the -"

" - library," LaFontaine inserted helpfully.

"To the library with LaF. You can sleep here by yourself while the world ends." Laura snatched her hand away petulantly and marched toward the door. One more thing. She turned, furious.

"And don't think I'm leaving you behind when we hike over the mountains you stupid vampire. You're coming with me. I'm not losing you ever again." Laura slammed the door shut.

* * *

"What?" Laura said in a loud whisper to LaFontaine as they left. "What's with all the mysterious signalling? Why the big secret?"

"I just got a text from JP - he says he's found something. In the library. And he says... Carmilla can't know. Everyone's meeting us in the library. Come on, let's hurry."

"But why can't Carmilla know?" Laura asked as they rushed through the doors. "You don't still think she's evil do you? Because I'd trust her with my life after all she's done for us. I know she's sometimes snarky and a kind of a sociopathic roommate and completely lazy when she wants to sleep but I'm not going to stand for -"

LaFontaine silently showed Laura her phone, scrolling through the multiple text conversation from JP, stopping at the end.

"... because according to my research and the disturbing subterranean activity in the Lustig Building, I believe the Dean may still be alive. This is not good news!"

"But even worse... the calculations, the ancient tomes, the bipolar catalogue system all point to the possibility that... Carmilla _is_ the Dean."


	2. Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola Perry is a floor don on a mission.

Ever since she had staked Will, Perry had been feeling fitter. Happier. More productive. She didn't know why, but it was better when she was out there getting things done. She had rid Silas of an evil, and even dusted her hands off afterwards with great satisfaction. Job well done. She finally felt like she was one of them, as much as she had struggled in the beginning to keep things in order. It was her job as floor don after all, to make sure things were running smoothly with student life. Oh she knew they thought she was an old stick in the mud with her high waisted jeans and her chunky turtlenecks but when it came to the crunch, she prided herself on being reliable.

But oh dear, she was so sorry it was Kirsch's friend. The Zetas were not having a happy time. Even though they were outside her... jurisdiction, so to speak, Perry wished some of those brothers would come to her with their problems, she was sure she could help, if only to lend a friendly ear and hand them some kind of baked good. She hoped Kirsch would forgive her. For the past few days he would sit near her in the dining hall, but he never actually said a word to her. He just looked glum and alone. Oh well, it was not as though she set out to stake Will on purpose. Will had clearly been the cause of so much pain and suffering and disappearing girls, not to mention some really off-colour jokes at that Zeta party she once attended - it was unacceptable, really. Silas and its strange ways were not altogether her cup of tea, but you did what you could with what you had. Staking him was the lesser of two evils perhaps. So maybe sometimes at night she would dream there was blood flowing from her hands, until she woke up and screamed, what of it? It was Silas, these things were par for the course.

And now, at least in daylight, she had a new lease on life. She'd never baked so well, so much, and the common areas on her floor were looking spotless. It was a relief to have things just so. She'd even persuaded Laura to nibble on some vegetable sticks yesterday, rather than her usual stale cookies. But now that so much of the work had been done, it seemed the danger was still very much present. They hadn't won after all. Of course that was frightening, because none of them knew exactly what to do about that. Perry wasn't sure Carmilla Karnstein would find an answer in that dusty Sumerian tome though Susa - LaFontaine had gone to ask. Leave no stone unturned! As a German major, she giggled over her own private joke. Karnstein, because stein meant... Ah well never mind. Carmilla might act all three-hundred-years-older-than-thou but the fact was, she was just another angsty frosh Perry had to look out for. No, it was the duty of the floor don to help out in these matters of pastoral care, when the lives of freshers were in mortal danger. And there was clearly only one thing to do about that. Yes.

Perry started a spreadsheet.

Well! When in doubt, make a list, make lots of lists. It was time to get organised, to put all the pieces of evidence in one place to help Sus - darn it, LaFontaine and her new... her new friend JP. They needed to keep track of where everyone was, who was affected, all that kind of thing, obviously. And there were others at Silas who knew things they didn't know that they needed to know but maybe didn't know they needed to know. You know? There was once a time for ancient tomes needing apathetic and grumpy vampires to translate them, but this was the 21st century, and it was about time they consolidated their processes and procedures as befitting the digital age.

Really, what this fantastical campus of magical creatures and terrifying dangers needed was a bracing shot of normality. And Lola Perry was just the floor don to do it. Norm core was in now, everybody knew that, for all the cool kids. No one who saw her mom jeans and patterned sweater vests walking past the corridors could feel other than safe and alive and reassured that everything was in its place and all was right with the world. That would be her part, while they figured all this out, how to clean up this dreadful mess, and get on with their lives. In the meantime, she would bake a few more brownies for the inaugural super secret meeting in the library she was hosting. Hopefully they would all turn up, for in an attempt at tricky subterfuge, she'd called it the Committee for Retrospective Administrative Paperwork (CRAP) Inaugural Meet and Greet. Oh dear, and she hoped the library would behave, now that the weird whatsitwhosit had been severely injured by Carmilla's sword and the catalogue system had calmed down a bit. As for the Head Librarian, she'd not been seen since the battle.

Perry, JP and Laf had spent some solid hours after the recent vampiric events compiling some of the evidence of what they knew so far. Silas had been under thrall for so long that no one knew what was what any more. Flying paperbacks in the library were still a thing apparently, though eyeball soup in the dining hall was considered weird.

At first, Laf and JP would go off on tangents, researching this, that and the other. She hardly saw them. And Perry knew if she left them to their own devices they would just drown in whatever they were investigating and she really would never see them again. Well, it was the only way she had to bond with them, to understand and to learn what was making Laf tick. Maybe Susan wasn't around anymore but she was damned if she was going to lose LaFontaine. She didn't want them to grow any further apart and it seemed if they were to stay together, stay together as friends that is, of course that's what she meant, she needed to rediscover who LaFontaine was now. And... and if JP was an important part of Laf's life now, she would have to respect that.

So she pulled them back to this spreadsheet of hers if they wandered off too far, again and again, insistently. She was beginning to understand Laura's obsession with documenting everything. There was hardly motivation to compile a kind of history of the recent events by spreadsheet, considering Laura had that one in the bag, for at that time they were cheering a victory and didn't know the old evil would rear its ugly head so soon. It was horrid thinking you were safe and disovering you've been sitting in the jaws of a monster this whole time. But there was no use crying over spilt milk. Now that they knew, she was glad she'd made a start to tie up the loose ends. While Laura reported the news, there were other details to take care of, things to clean, bodies to dispose of. The faculty could not be trusted to do most things, she was beginning to realise. This spreadsheet was just the thing to get them all back to normal.

Crack! Oh gosh there went another mug. Darn it. She didn't know her own strength these days. That was the third one today. Perhaps the recent supernatural events had affected the structural integrity of many of the domestic items in the place. Cups, plates, furniture, her door. That was normal, right?

"Greetings!" came a ping from JP. Perry jumped in surprise. Oh dear, and another mug.

"Uh, hello there JP. I'm just going to go hunt for more mugs for the hot chocolate. Everyone will be here soon."

"Well I thought you might like to know I've finally finished cross-referencing all the items on the spreadsheet!"

"Oh that's wonderful JP, good job."

"Thank you. But I'm afraid there's bad news!"

"Oh no! More bad news?" said Perry distractedly arranging what was left of the mugs on a tray.

"I've contacted a member of 4S - The Silas Secret Surveillance Society -"

"Oh gosh, that really is bad news," said Perry, not understanding but trying to be encouraging. She piled the brownies into the shape of a pyramid.

"No, you misunderstand, that's not the bad news! I mean they have more information for us regarding this point on your list. Item 32."

"Erm, double-check that the Dean is really dead?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"She's apparently not really dead. I'm very sorry!"

"Oh er...gosh - is she back on campus? Does she seem angry? I think I would be angry. Does she seem very angry?"

"No, you mistake me, no one has seen the Dean."

"Then how do we know she's alive?"

"Well according to 4S, they sense her - aura, for want of a better word. Or so they report. They'll be here shortly to explain it in full."

"Well can they track her?! We must find out where she is!"

"I'm afraid they did hone in on a general location. They reported it as.... a Room 307."

"What do you mean, JP? That's Laura and Carmilla's dorm room number."

"Yes. I'm afraid it does seem as though either Laura or Carmilla might be the Dean. And despite Laura's aura being somewhat complicated in its own way, signs all point to Carmilla, being as she is, of the vampire persuasion and having been in the company of the Dean these 300 years. And there is more evidence than just what 4S has been able to uncover, I was able to cross-reference some of the data to this other ancient tome that was revealed by one of the petulant computers in the catalogue system when I had luckily caught it in a happy mood -"

"Oh this is terrible! I can't believe it! But Carmilla saved us, how can this be?" said Perry, flustered.

"It seems the danger is not over despite her seemingly heroic efforts. That is some cause for alarm!" The word suddenly triggered Perry's panic.

"We have to warn them! LaFontaine is in there!"

"Do not worry, I have already relayed a textual message to LaFontaine. I have requested that Carmilla be kept from accompanying them."

"Oh, but I made her a blood pudding."

"Nevertheless, it is better that we discuss this without her present until we figure out what is truly at stake here."

"Hopefully, not Laura's heart," murmured Perry, suddenly anxious. She thought for a bit. "Or Carmilla's for that matter. Staking a vampire is such a messy job." Perry looked soberly down at her own hands, clean in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is my first fic I'm not quite sure how best to let the story proceed. If you read this and have opinions about how to improve, please let me know in the comments! I may rearrange the chapters once I'm done with the story. Thanks for reading. The pace should pick up more after this mini-chapter.


	3. You Know Where to Find Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has far too many secrets.

"Do you think they suspected anything?" called a voice from out of the darkness, clear and cold.

It was an empty place, this out of the way underground cavern that had been revealed ever since the events under the Lustig Building. Like a wide crack in the ground it was, tunnelling through to the pit, well hidden and protected by fear of the unknown. No one came near, no one would dare, especially after the earthquakes and the frightening noises had started in the pit some way away, when the Zeta bros dropped cherry bombs into it.

It was close to here that Carmilla had crawled her way, where they'd found her supposedly unconscious body after the light had been killed by the sword she wielded. Truthfully, she'd been rattled enough to be unconscious. Her hands still felt the unbearable sting of that sword of hollow reality. It had almost been too powerful for her. By rights she should have been burnt to a crisp herself. It probably would have made everything afterwards much easier. The stupid heroic things she'd found herself doing these days, what a frilly joke. All for... She bit her lip, thinking of that first sight of Laura's shocked, tear-stained face at seeing her alive. Would she ever get tired of seeing joy, real, human joy on someone's face at seeing her alive? Fuck. Everything was balanced on a knife's edge. But there wasn't time to think of that now.

"No, they didn't suspect a thing," said Carmilla, slowly, coming out into the light. "But I don't know how long that'll last. They occasionally have flashes of brilliance. You know how it is. Face it, I'm just another tragic sock puppet in the none too gentle hands of Fate." Fate, fate, fate, her voice echoed. She took a deep breath and scanned the place, but all she saw was grey and black, even as she heard the voice giggle softly. It sounded tired for all that.

"You sound fatigued. Please tell me you're okay. Where are you? I brought more supplies."

She shifted the duffel bag on her shoulder. The strap bit into her shoulder and she leaned to compensate. She blew a puff of air into her bangs and flicked the hair out of her eyes. The echoes ricocheting off the cavern walls were confusing all her senses somehow. Some kind of bad juju in this place leaching through the cracks from the pit maybe. But it would keep things hidden that needed to be hidden, for a while. If only it didn't keep them hiding them from her. The place had shifted a bit since the last time, surely.

"Right here. I'm all right. Just a little tired," murmured the voice. "You know it will have to last at least until - "

"I know."

In the dim light, Carmilla searched all among the shadows. She wasn't accustomed to her eyes not working so well in the dark. Hiding like this made her nervous.

She'd been used to not caring about anything, for so long. Sauntering where she pleased, being lazy and sleeping whole days if she pleased. Annoying Mother when she had half a mind to. Even sometimes being a little nerdy Carmilla and learning new things about this new world, until she was lost in books, forgetting to feed. Just as she pleased.

And now she cared about far, far too much. If her former self, in her crueller days, could see her now, she'd laugh and would never stop laughing at the joke she'd made of herself. And with all that, she'd experienced a little happiness, in a way she never thought she would again. All due to a naive, provincial, completely frustrating girl like Laura Hollis. Foolish, ridiculously captivating, obstinate Laura, with all her wild ideas and her poor impulse control, always rushing headlong into danger on the wave of a sugar high, refusing to be rescued or protected in pursuit of her truth. Carmilla smiled to herself and shook her head. She sighed heavily. Well. Back to the ever loving present.

"Why can't you ever stay put? You're forever making me chase you," continued Carmilla dryly.

"I had to move, my head ached from the light. I'm sorry. Don't you like the chase anymore? I thought it was what we did best."

"It's not that. I - it doesn't feel right, doing it this way." Carmilla felt torn in too many directions these days.

"There's no other way. You know there isn't. We talked about this before they found you." There was a cough which echoed into silence.

"Sweetheart, I know you're right, but - every time I try and run away she asks me - it's getting harder and harder to find some excuse. I'm lying to her. It feels like cheating."

"It is cheating, in a way," Carmilla could hear the voice smile ruefully. She sighed. That smile could always stop her in her tracks. She never thought she'd ever sense a kind of amorality behind that smile. That had always been her kind of thing, amoral bitch that she was, caring for nothing. Maybe it rubbed off on people the more time they spent with her. Damn it all to frilly hell.

"But you were mine first," said the voice teasingly, "And you know there's all the time in the world for forgiveness. I should know. I'm - I'm so sorry Carmilla. For everything."

A suppressed sob. The voice sounded frail and small all of a sudden, and Carmilla's heart skipped a beat. That she should live to feel her cold vampire heart skip so many beats over the last few months - it was just insane. Was this her life now? And yet she would go blindly into the cold dark night and do it all again. For her. She brushed her hair back distractedly, her hand trembling a little, looking, searching for what she needed, what she craved.

"Hey," she said as gently and soothingly as she knew how. "Hey. It's not your fault. There's nothing to be sorry for. Sweetheart."

Without being able to help it, a long buried memory flashed into her head, being buried alive in the dark, half drowning in blood, scratching the underside of the coffin lid until her nails were raw. No. No. There wasn't time for that now. She shook it away. Carmilla finally caught sight of the white hem of her gown. She walked slowly towards the pale cloth, dropping the bag she'd been carrying along the way. It landed with a thud and a cloud of dust flew upwards into the light. She dropped to her knees.

"Elle," she breathed quietly in her low liquid voice, "Does it still hurt? Oh god. Let me - I can't tell you what... how... damn it, you know I'm no good at this."

"We're alone, you don't have to -"

"Hush my darling, it just makes it easier. We need to get help. Get you somewhere safe -"

"No, we can't. You know we can't. We talked about this last time. This is the safest place to hide right now. Please Carmilla." The voice rose in panic.

"But -"

"Please, we have to wait. Until she's gone."

"You're so frustrating. I'd forgotten how stubborn you can be. Fine. I don't know why I'm agreeing to this completely foolhardy plan of yours."

"I thought you always liked my foolhardy plans?"

"That was when I thought we were going to be riding off into the sunset together. I must be out of my mind."

"I always knew you were secretly soft-hearted."

"Yeah, well, don't spread that around, princess, I do have a reputation to uphold. But - and I can't believe as a vampire I'm asking you this - why do we always have to meet in shadow?"

"Mmm... I find it improves my looks. Especially now that I've been spewed out of a giant sea monster. Best foot forward, and all that." Carmilla laughed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Were you always so ridiculous back then, my sweetling? God, this is hard. I hate to see you like this. The nights are too long till I am with you."

"Oh well, I can't remember if you were this romantic in 1872, Carmilla." The voice teased and then laughed in a kind of sunshine joy, stronger than it had been. She could almost taste the sun on her lips, tear it with her teeth, let it melt on her tongue. Carmilla's heart beat faster until the blood noise sounded in her ears.

"Well, I've had over a hundred years of waiting for you to think up all my best lines, sweetheart."

"And this is what you came up with? I could -" but the voice was stopped with a kiss.


	4. I Had a Secret Meeting in the Basement of My Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newly formed Committee meet for the first time since learning about the continual supernatural disturbance in the Lustig Building ... and it went the dull and wicked ordinary way.

As if on cue, the doors of the library swung open and Laura's clear and frustrated voice could be heard, preceding them.

"I can't believe this. How can you even think this? Do I have to remind you what Carmilla's done for us? She saved us, risked her own life to do it."

"I don't know Laura, we'll find out, we'll uncover the truth somehow, if I have to take invasive samples from every organism on this campus." LaFontaine hesitated, "Listen, the truth is, you saved us, frosh. If it hadn't been for your pigheadedness and your crazy ideas, none of us would have been prepared for this."

"I'm going to get Carmilla, she deserves the chance to defend herself, after how we've treated her. This feels wrong. It's so wrong."

"No wait - Listen, crushes-on-vampires, I know you have feelings for her but there's a lot that's hella wrong about all this. Way bad juju all over this place. We need to figure this out one weird at a time."

"By betraying our - Carmilla? Our friends?"

"Oh I'm so glad you're here, you're safe!" said Perry, interrupting them. "I made brownies. They're down in the basement with Natalie and Betty and Elsie. I think they're still a little nervous about attending campus events. LaFontaine, you'll be happy to know JP and I have been bonding over cross-referencing datapoints and we have uncovered quite a lot of unexplained mysteries including -"

"What the hell is this?" said Danny without fanfare, bursting in through the doors and almost crashing into them. "Laura, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay, why?"

"Are you sure?"

"I said yes I'm fine. Danny, seriously, are you still going to treat me like I'm six? What is this?"

"Well sorry. Sorry for caring. I just didn't know what to think, if Carmilla -"

"Why does everyone have it in for the person who saved all our hides from an ancient unspeakable evil? Carmilla hasn't done anything wrong!"

"Okay, okay. My bad. She may be evil but I guess she's not the evil we have to deal with right now. I just thought -"

"Danny!"

"Hey, I'm just saying she's a murderer. In her past. No biggie. If you're cool with it, I'm cool with it. See? I'm letting you make your own mistakes, you'll get no protection from me. Even if I do keep getting these cry for help texts."

"Let me?!" Laura had had it. "You don't get to let me do anything, Danny. I'm not a child. I'm sick of everyone treating me like one. I'm sorry, I thought we'd come to an understanding about this during the battle and when you brought Carmilla back but obviously - wait, what texts?"

"Dire situation in library. Laura in danger. Come quick. Bring marker pens and whiteboard. What the hell is going on?"

"Oh," faltered Perry. "That was from me. I can explain. You know, a call to arms. To the CRAP meeting."

"What?"

"The Committee for Retrospective Administrative Paperwork. You know, our secret society to deal with all this -" Perry waved her hands around wildly, "madness."

"Uh, Perr, I think you might want to reconsider the name -"

"No no, It's a secret code so only those in the know will, you know, _know_. Unless there are people with no lives at Silas who actually are into bureaucracy which I hardly think -"

"Hi, is this the CRAP meet and greet?" said a tentative voice at the door.

"Oh, get out!" ordered Danny in frustration. The lanky, nerdy boy in an ill-fitting brown suit, a ketchup-stained hufflepuff tie and wearing some kind of camera device on his glasses stared at Danny in fear for a moment and then turned tail. Wait, camera?

"Wait!" called Perry, "Are you from 4S?"

"Er... yes? JP Armitage said -"

"Oh come in, we've been expecting you, sorry we mistook you for someone who's passionate about administrative paperwork. Everyone can you all come in and take a seat. We're meeting in the basement. It's okay, all the flying paperbacks have been tidied away. I'll close the door so no one else - OOF!"

Kirsch's large and clumsy hand had opened the doors, hitting Perry in the nose.

"Oh god, floor don hottie, I'm super sorry."

"Kirsch are you... interested in CRAP?"

"No, I came to tell you hotties about the mushrooms," said Kirsch, bewildered. "So er... I guess,yes?" Behind him, Danny had her head in her hands and was shaking it in disbelief. "Hey Pyscho bro. Why have you got so many markers? You know sniffing them does nothing, I've tried."

"Can you stop saying 'hottie'? Please, for the love of -"

"Okay listen, could you all come in and take a seat. Please. Just be... normal for a while!" Perry's lips were set in a firm line and she ushered everyone into the library basement.

"Now we have about two hours before the library starts shifting the exits so I'd like to call this inaugural meeting of CRAP to come to order." A good start, Perry thought. Calm, official, just the thing to make everyone fall in line and discuss these issues like mature adults.

"Perr, could you not have come up with a better name than this? I mean, a committee? Really? For a group of big damn heroes who are working to save Silas from a giant fish and an undead maniac lady with a penchant for power suits and shoulder pads?"

"I happen to think a Committee is exactly what we need LaFontaine. It's orderly, it's run on democratic principles, and we can have tea and baked goods which will add a nice calming element to these otherwise desperate proceedings. Besides what else would you call a secret organisation?"

"I don't know, how about the Silas Super Awesome League of Awesomeness off the top of my head?"

"Or the "Silas is Golden" Secret Society?" Everyone nodded or shrugged at each other and murmured as they considered these suggestions.

"The Silas Wishy-Washy Mystery Squad?"

"The Silas Supernatural Fight Club!" said Natalie, getting into the swing of things.

"The first rule of the Silas Supernatural Fight Club: do not talk about the supernatural," said Betty.

"The second rule of the Silas Supernatural Fight Club: do NOT talk - wait, no, it's eat more brownies." That was Elsie. She and Betty turned to each other and high fived.

"How about Silas Hotties In Terror?" suggested Kirsch, signposting each word with his hands. They looked at him.

"No."

"The inaugural meeting of the Committee will come to order," Perry glared at them. "We have a lot of items on the agenda, so pick up a... uh... brownie and a cup of cocoa and we'll get started."

The thin boy with the hollow chest in the rumpled brown suit had plastered his hair down with some kind of wet goo until it looked as though he had a severe comb over. His face was shiny with a sheen of sweat and he wore thick socks with his sandals. Coupled with overly large coke bottle glasses, which everyone tried to avoid looking into since it was clear he had a recording device attached to it, he seemed like the Silas poster boy for nerdliness. He coughed a lot and seemed inordinately frail and weak, as if the wind could blow him over at any given moment. He sat, looking like a timid, frightened rabbit, the furthest distance he could from Danny, who was already at the head of the table standing by the whiteboard holding a marker and writing down salient points from the discussion.

"Welcome, er, Kevin, would you mind not recording the events of this secret committee?" said Perry primly.

"Oh no, I would never - well that is, if the light's not on, I'm not recording, so don't worry!"

It seemed everyone was impatient to get to the point on the agenda that dealt with this theory that the Dean was not in fact dead, and that Carmilla was somehow supposed to be the Dean, whatever that meant. Laura looked on with her arms crossed and frowning hard. She was ready to debate every point if need be. It was an impossible thing to believe that Carmilla, who had been so hurt and damaged by the Dean, should now suffer the accusation that she _was_ the Dean and therefore should be hated by all of them. A more ridiculous notion Laura had not heard and she, Laura Hollis, cadet junior reporter, had heard many ridiculous notions, most of which she'd thought up herself. If there was one thing Laura was incapable of doing, it was hating Carmilla, no matter how much hair she left in the shower drain.

"All right then Kevin, perhaps you could tell us what you mentioned to JP so we're all on the same page."

"Well! You see, over at 4S - the Silas Secret Surveillance Society in case you don't know - we're quite the fans of Hogwarts. So we spend much of our time kind of roleplaying and creating all these Hogwarts-like -"

"Oh! Me too!" said Laura enthusiastically. "I love those books! I see you like Hufflepuff. I always -"

"Um, I think everyone here can safely say we all love Hogwarts - but how is this actually relevant?"

"I'm getting to that," said Kevin, pasting his hair down nervously and adjusting his hufflepuff tie. "You see, over at 4S some friends and I have been working for quite some time on developing a kind of Marauder's Map - you know, we solemnly swear we are up to no good, and all that."

"Okay, and?"

"Well since our hobby is surveillance, naturally we started collected information about the powers that be at Silas... namely the Dean of Students. It was hard of course, because you don't want to run into the Dean unless you can help it, but over time, we developed quite a conclusive signature that shows the Dean quite clearly wherever she may be on campus which is very handy for avoiding her completely in future."

"Then how did you get all this data on the Dean if you didn't want to go near her?" asked Laura suspiciously.

Kevin pushed his glasses up his nose and cleared his throat. "Oh, just with a GoPro strapped to my gyrocopter from the sky. Then I rappelled from it in the middle of the night with my night vision goggles to take closer shots of the unsuspecting targets. A couple of times hanging from walls by my adamantium claws near her office. Uh... they're not really made of adamantium, I couldn't get the alloy right. And once I slipped in quietly and took swabs and samples, that kind of thing. I surprised one small vampire minion but luckily I had a pencil with me so I - uh - that is - " Kevin pressed a grubby handkerchief to his shiny forehead, looking shy and sheepish.

Everyone stared at him in shock and awe.

"This is the coolest nerd dude I have ever met," whispered Kirsch to Danny.

"No kidding."

"Anyway, I think it's easier to show you than to tell you. I'm sorry we hadn't quite worked out how to get this onto parchment, so instead we ended up building an app and putting it on a tablet. I hope you don't mind that it's not quite right," he said to Laura, who he'd pegged as a fellow nerd fan of all things authentically Hogwarts.

Kevin pulled out a thin tablet and opened the app. Clearing his throat, he looked a bit embarrassed before declaring "Um, I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

Everyone peered over the tablet before Kevin adjusted his glasses and suddenly the screen was projected onto the wall. Behind his coke bottle lense his eyes loomed huge, magnified into bug eyes.

The first screen showed a kind of profile of the Dean's signature, with statistics listed. Everyone could see how they'd attempted to compile it, with information from her aura reading (an official school reading as well as their own unofficial reading for verification), DNA samples, probabilities of movement, as well as some kind of energy or power reading.

"Wow, you guys are thorough," whistled LaFontaine, "Impressive. I'd like some of that data if you wouldn't mind."

"Sure, well it's a beta version, not as polished as we'd like but... you get the drift. That was just the start, you see, we also, um, took signatures of other people who... we were possibly interested in. You know, for reference. For science." Here Kevin looked guilty but brought up a profile of Carmilla, whose photo he'd cropped in the shape of a love heart. Laura's jaw dropped open before Perry closed it.

"Okay, okay, so now here's the map. You remember the signature and aura reading for the Dean, the way it looks, right? We'll click on that option."

The screen changed to show a plan of the Silas campus grounds. Very clearly, there was an indication that the Dean was not only alive and well, but somewhere near the Lustig Theatre Building pit, moving around. Everyone gasped.

"How can that be?"

"Is she really alive? I thought the fish monster ate her?! Is that actually the Lophiiformes?"

"Well," said Kevin a little sadly, "if we also check the box for Carmilla's signature, it shows - "

The screen now showed the two signatures overlapping. When the Dean's aura moved, so did Carmilla's. The two were one and the same. Silence fell over everyone at the table, until Danny opened her mouth to speak, only to have Perry place her hand on Danny's arm and shake her head. Perry cleared her throat a little.

"Laura, I'm sor- "

"Don't. Not now, please," said Laura in a strained voice. "Are you sure? Are you sure this can't be some horrible mistake?"

"There's no mistake," began Kevin, "but there is one thing I'll say. If you look closely, Carmilla's signature only matches some of the Dean's, about half, and most strongly in the energy/power reading."

"Almost like she is the Dean, but only at half capacity?" asked LaFontaine.

"Yes."

"Could that be because the Dean is Carmilla's Sire? Her Mother I mean?"

"Well they'd be linked, but it wouldn't account for such a strong match. If you look at some of the other vampires the Dean has turned there isn't the same overlap."

"What I want to know," said Laura in a tight voice, "is what is she doing near the Lustig when we just left her sleeping in our room not too long ago." Laura and LaFontaine looked at each other.

"She must have left as soon as we did. There's something super weird about this."

"Are we that surprised? I mean really? What did you geniuses think would happen? Vampires have no morals." Danny burst out.

"I can't do this," Laura said suddenly, pushing her chair back.

"Laura, wait, I'm sorry - " Danny put out a hand, but Laura shrugged her off.

"Going to tell me not to bother my little head about this? Going to gloat, say I told you so?"

"No. Laura. Only - it's not like you to give up." Danny sighed.

"What are you saying?"

"Listen, I've got no love lost for Carmilla. You know that. You know, this is shocking news. It wouldn't surprise me if this was true. I guess - maybe - I want it to be true, so it would show you... But I think we should hear all the evidence we've got. I mean, could it be that Carmilla's been infected with something and doesn't realise it?"

"That happened to us," said Natalie. Betty and Elsie nodded.

"You're kidding me. Carm-sexy is the Dean?" said Kirsch in confusion. "I thought nerd hottie here was the dean, you know, with the evil necklace and all that -"

"Kirsch, keep up," said Danny.

"You mean, she's been pod peopled by the Dean in an attempt to rise from the dead?!" Laura said, clinging onto a thread. "Could she have put on a cursed amulet, like I did, without realising it?"

"I don't know, it's a possible theory, frosh," said LaFontaine. There was a silence as everyone considered this news. "But the fact remains right now, Carmilla _is_ the Dean. And that makes everything about ten times more dangerous than we even thought it was. She's alive, and she's mad."

"I'm sorry," said Kevin to Laura. "I know you two are roommates, and that you share the same pillow."

"Okay, creepy!"

"But that's all the data I have right now. Can I go now?" ask Kevin. "JP knows how to contact me if you need me." Somehow, as the rest of the group turned to look at each other, Kevin quietly disappeared like a nerd ninja in the night.

"I think I speak for everyone in the group when I say that... was quite something," said Danny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from Secret Meeting by The National.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. I'm Waking Up to Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has a sideblog, of course she does.

**The Secret Blog of Lacrimal Cairn Stone**  
 **Date** : I hate this age  
 **Place** : I hate this place.  
 **Music** : We Hate You Please Die

I was sent in there, in a hurry. Maman had a problem she needed gone. Some nosy, noisy kid with an inflated sense of justice. The idiot wouldn't shut up about her roommate going missing, what a big surprise. Sometimes I think if Maman would just spend a few decades studying the philosophy of logic rather than chasing after vampire cult adoration everyone would be much better off. For anyone reading this of course I mean metaphorical vampires, duh. Yes, this is total fic, go back to sleep.

Well if this girl was going to be a thorn in dear Maman's side, I was going to be in no hurry to pull it out. Justice could bite me, but it would better if it bit Maman. I was so sick of being her two bit hench-vamp, even with all her pretence that we were a real family, that Will and I had always been her special charges, her prized pearls, that she'd chosen us above all others to come into the light, blah blah blah. Whatever. Will had always been a bit of a mamma's boy. That suck up. Always trying to make me look bad. I could never play well with others, even if I'd wanted to try. Me, I was the cat that walks by herself, waving my wild tail and walking by my wild lone. All places were alike to me. So many vampires Maman had turned had come and gone - some I'd seen her stake herself, one as a warning to me even - I mean Maman's viciousness was no joke - but... I'd stopped listening to her speeches about two hundred years ago. If she wanted to be rid of me she could stake me, like the rest. I didn't understand why, why after everything I've done, why does Maman keep me tied to her, to this unhappy place? Is this just torture, just twisting the knife a little deeper? What had I done that was so heinous, but fall for someone I shouldn't have? Well I didn't care any more. About being special. About anything. So call me a nihilist.

With that army of vamps around her practically worshipping her eighties style power suit and severe hair bun shtick I could well believe she wanted to keep us all in line to adore her but family? Don't make me laugh. So she raised me, I'd rather she'd left me in the ground to rot. Then maybe I wouldn't have all these inconvenient feelings just when I wanted a bit of peace and quiet. Just because you have the misfortune of having some megalomaniac in your so-called family, doesn't mean you have to like it, and doesn't mean you have to be eternally grateful. I didn't ask to be raised from the dead, _Sire_ , damn it all.

Still, there was no arguing with an all powerful demonic vampiress with overly developed maternal tendencies. The path of least resistance is sometimes the best. I may be an annoying 300 year old brat sometimes, but I'm not an idiot. So I went to yet another dorm that Maman wrangled me into to butter up the latest in a long line of idiot girls who bloomed like the proverbial spring flower - all too soon to fade away, and then it was back to the drawing board all over again. They just fall at my feet with just a look, hardly a challenge and definitely no fun. Well, a little fun. But I hate being bored. Bored, bored, bored. Good god what am I doing. What's wrong with me.

All right. I admit that this one was different, okay?

The first time I saw her I got the shock of my life, and that made me angry, and when I'm pissed off, I'm a jerk. So sue me. I think I hid it well at the time, but I cringe when I think of my behaviour at first. Not befitting one of my status. I just can't stand it when... all right, I should be fair here, even though fairness is really just a social construct for puny little humans to believe there can be a better world out there, work their asses off for a lie, and then die. Newflash brainiacs, there isn't a better world out there and what's worse, you humans made it that way. Idiots.

Rather than being so-called "fair", I'll be truthful. Well, more or less. I mean, if I feel like it. Meh, I'll try and keep the lying to a minimum.

It wasn't that she was anything like... like Elle, at all. Not at all. She was rude, she was antagonistic, she was all smug and self-righteous and passive-aggressive about her space - our space. All things I can't stand. She started it. Okay, maybe that sounds a little childish, but what do you expect when you're forced to hang around with inane children all the time. I mean she started us off on the wrong foot. She wasn't out to make friends, that's for sure and hell, I didn't even want to stay. I had to, or the Head Dean would have both our heads. She didn't know that without me in the way to stop up the works she'd be toast. Guess I didn't help. Little Miss Harriet the spy didn't seem to understand anything at all, she kept threatening to go to the Dean of Students, to jump right into the jaws of the vampire. Hilarious. I would pay to see that, and pay double for popcorn. We were stuck with each other, and the thought made me queasy quite frankly.

But by the unholy goat, I admit it, she was gorgeous, in this innocent, pure, sugar and spice kind of way, like, literally sugar I found out later. That's all she ate. She was... edible, if you know what I mean. They were nothing alike, they weren't. I'm sure they weren't. But even so, something about her reminded me of... dammit to frilly hell... of Elle so much I wanted to punch something. Fuck. I hate feelings.

The fact was, she didn't like me. And yeah, though it's really unusual for the targets not to fall for my charms instantly, I can deal with people hating me, it's no big deal to me. I guess it takes all kinds to make a world. There are worst things I've had to deal with and it all fades into insignifance when you think of how long the world has actually been around, alive and spinning around on the same old path. When this world is dead the stars will still shine their distant little light into the darkness. And the world will be nothing. Humans are just bothersome gnats in the real scheme of things. Anyway, I had plenty of other fish to fry, I didn't need a walking sugar rush to be all over me as well. Mixed metaphor but you know what I mean. God I'm tired.

But where in unholy hell did she get off judging me, her and her little overgrown potato fed ginger friends? Did those lackwits think I couldn't hear all the nagging, petty complaints they fed into that stupid little webcam? For the love of Styria, in a hundred years is anyone actually going to care who cleaned out the shower drain? Did I give a toss? No.

So I did what any self-respecting and incredibly bored vampire would do. I mean what would you do? I merely did what I was really good at, what I had honed my skills all these years to become. I was bloody annoying, as they say.

She would notice me if it was the last thing I did. I wanted her to notice me, let her see how she liked me then. I'd make her, make her pay attention to me, fill every nook and cranny in her mind with little old me until she burst with it. Passive aggressive chore wheel? All right darlin', I'll be happy to spin you right round till you don't even know which way is up. Wanna steal my soy milk? Be my guest! It's bloody good for you! Why, creampuff, that's a nice yellow pillow you have there. Don't mind if I take it. Take that and shove it in your little journalism project, Lois Lane Junior. Oooh, Betty's missing, oooh, Carmilla's so mean. Yes, okay, I was being petty but like I said, she started it. God. What has my life become, seriously. I hate letting these immature infants get to me. I hate this place. I hate this con game. I was meant for better than this.

God dammit, it didn't work anyway. Creampuff on the other side of the room. Couldn't. Stop. Talking. Day and night, figuring out the mystery, droning on and on, endlessly with her Veronica Mars act. I can't stand it when dimwits are running around loose without proper supervision, sometimes I just had to say something, nudge them in the right direction. What was bad for Maman was good for me, as long as I didn't have to get my hands dirty. But Nancy Drew was completely oblivious, can you believe it? So frustrating. But that's how we kind of got in the habit of talking sometimes, late at nights when I couldn't sleep or she couldn't sleep and none of her dimwit hangers-on could barge in. And we did have some good talks, with one of us eventually falling asleep to the other's voice. They were talks in this weird limbo shadow place that neither of us could live in. Perhaps she imagined it was all a dream when the sun came up. She's such a little dork.

The thing was, cupcake wasn't what she seemed at first. I can admit that now. She was on a mission, yeah, and that made her brave and foolish all at once. I could respect that. She wasn't a hateful sort, if anything she was a forgiving sort. I honestly don't know how she put up with me. I was the one who hated. I hated everything about her. Okay, that's another lie. I hated that she somehow reminded me of Elle but I couldn't get enough of it, damn it all. Because. Because. Because I hated that I couldn't even remember Elle. At all. All right? All this time, thinking about her, longing for her, and I can't remember. Do you know what that's like?

It had been so long, things had been so bad for so long. I was stuck in that place in living hell, thinking of betrayal - god, I'm a fool. What a stupid, witless fool I am. I couldn't remember Elle's face. I hadn't been able to for so many years. I'm not going to cry tears, idle tears about it but - it's hard. Every night, before my repose, Elle's name would be the last thing on my lips, like a talisman, to keep me anchored. It was just a way to remember, to never forget. I can't even speak of the horrors of that time. If I hadn't had the thought of Elle to sustain me, I don't know what would have happened. I would have gone crazy. She was everything to me. Perhaps I am crazy.

Sometimes, in shadow, I could maybe tug a memory back into view, but then like smoke, it dissipated into nothingness. I could hardly remember her voice and it had been such a quiet voice to begin with. That voice that sustained me all through my imprisonment, that gave me heartbreak all over again, every time. I just couldn't even remember the sound of it any more.

And this annoying gnat buzzing around on the other side of the room, this naive little girl who was hunting for all the wrong answers with her fresh-faced optimism and cookie-fuelled idealism, she was the one who somehow gave it back. Laura gave me the feel of _her_ again. I don't know what it was. Somehow, despite hating me, despising me, she still treated me like I wasn't the monster they all thought I was.

I remember the very night it hit me hard in the chest. It could have ripped me apart all over again. She said - she said everyone deserved better than this. Even I deserved better. She thought me a monster, but a monster who deserved understanding. She little knew how much of a monster I really was. That's when I realised how they were similar. God. They were both fools, who were willing to be fools for a better world, who were willing to give someone like me a chance, despite my terrible flaws. It was not a world I could ever believe in, I knew such a thing didn't exist. I'd been in the world for too long to be an idealist. But even knowing they would probably fail, they charged recklessly ahead anyway. The fools. The utter fools.

I guess she was a fool I could believe in.


	6. Goodnight Kiss: A Fairytale With a Sting in the Tail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll have an adventure,  
> I'm bored with just love.  
> A fairy tale with a sting in the tail,  
> Tonight we'll draw blood.
> 
> The calm before the storm.

The intermittent rumblings after the battle had been getting progressively more frequent, though the university administration had at first tried to downplay it. It would be about another week until Reading Week began, but campus was already looking empty. Some had fled early, reading between the lines of the official direction from the university, which had not been particularly subtle or conducive to a calm and reasoned reaction. For those who stayed to fight, or who got caught in the crossfire, some had died, that was the truth of it. The sad, ugly truth was there would always be victims, for everyone who survived.

It quickly became clear to all those meeting in the library basement that fleeing was probably going to be a necessary thing... but had to be a last resort nonetheless. Once you started running, there was no telling when you could stop, and things looked like they would only get worse. It seemed the only group that really knew what had been going on here was them. It was up to them to do something about it. They needed to girl the hell up and figure out some solution before Reading Week. After that, who knew what would happen, if any of them could ever return and see each other again or if they would even be alive to see next semester. In order to return to a normal life, Perry had said, sometimes you had to fight for it. Some things were more important than following the rules.

It had taken the full force of everyone sitting around that table to persuade Laura not to dash back immediately to her room to check if Carmilla was still there, after the revelations. After all, she'd been known to appear and disappear suddenly before - conveniently - who was to say she couldn't disapparate at will and teleport from one place to another? So Laura stayed. Laura was always recklessly rushing into danger, but this was one occasion where she was almost glad they had held her back. She was torn between the truth and heartbreak. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what Carmilla was. Had she lied all this time? Was there some evil hiding in her body that she didn't know about? Did she need rescue? Had she actually been interacting with the Dean this whole time, and if so, oh god, Laura didn't even what to think how messed up that was. Then, did that mean Laura didn't mean all that much to Carmilla after all? These questions, the doubt, the insecurity, the longing for the Carmilla she'd known or thought she'd known, circled in her brain over and over, never resolving.

Laura wanted the memory of their reunion, those all too brief, heated kisses that overtook her senses once she found Carmilla alive, to be the only thing on her mind. Not monsters. She wanted to continue to feel this dizzying, terrifying delight. She needed them to be real. They had had such a short time together. Even now she'd kept the feelings close to her, they were a secret for only her and Carmilla, though their nosy friends could make all the assumptions they wanted about what had happened between them. At least some things had to be private. It was hard enough to deal with these new feelings, holding hands secretly under tables, under pillows, behind doors, trying not to look so intently at each other, much less having so many invasive others looking on, no matter how well meaning. Though she supposed it was ironic she would think that considering her obsession with recording everything.

Laura stood outside her closed door and took a very deep breath, touching her lips with her fingertips, remembering how frantically they held onto each other. She needed them to be real. What it was to have survived a battle, to know Carmilla was safe, to have this desperate urgency in revealing everything they felt, knowing there might never be another moment. She was addicted to this feeling of being liked for herself, despite everything. Liked. She wanted more than mere like, but it wasn't like you could say that out loud. And now this, this thing, this news that would leave her freefalling into emptiness, with nothing to catch her. But if heartbreak lay behind the truth, give her the truth and she'd deal with the heartbreak. _That's what happens when you fall for a monster_ , thought Laura sadly.

She hesitated with her hand on the doorknob only to have the door open abruptly. Carmilla stood on the other side, looking slender and inscrutable and impossibly beautiful as always but with a strange smile on her lips. Happy to see her. Well, she was happy to see her, wasn't she? Carmilla's eyes flicked up and down the corridor. No one.

"Well don't you look like a dish fit for... me," drawled Carmilla, before pulling her inside and pushing her gently but insistently against the door. Before Laura could speak, Carmilla's fingers were tangled in her hair and her lips were on hers and there was nothing wrong with the world. There was nothing that existed but that kiss, their lips together, Carmilla's body pressing into hers. Laura was still child enough to squeal happily through the kiss before it turned into a low gasp and moan as Carmilla's lips trailed down her arched neck, in hot, sucking kisses. She came to herself, just in time to remember what she knew, albeit as though through frosted glass. No, Carmilla was the Dean, an evil, undead monster. At least, a more evil undead monster than she'd suspected before. And having her lips near Laura's neck was entirely too much.

"Not a human juicebox! Not a human juicebox!" she squeaked, pushing Carmilla off her.

"Relax, cupcake," laughed Carmilla in that low, amused voice that always had the effect of turning Laura's bones to water. "Do you think I'd do that to you now with everything that's happened? At least, not without consent. I'm hurt." The last words were said in a mocking tone with just the hint of a pout, and if only it had been a few hours earlier, Laura would have laughed and felt comforted and probably would have pulled her back in. As it was, who was speaking through Carmilla? Was this really her?

"Hey," said Carmilla in a more serious tone, her eyes taking in Laura's expression. "Hey, what's up with you? Everything okay? Did the library behave itself? You got out alive I see, with nary a paper cut." She tucked a strand of Laura's hair away from her face and placed gentle kisses all over her forehead, the bridge of her nose, the arch of her eyebrow ridge, all as though she had a right to. She was so close, it made Laura's senses tingle. It felt so real, so true. Was Carmilla being pulled in two different ways right now, two different forces? One evil, another... less evil? She was alternately sarcastic and caring, with an undercurrent of pure sexy. But that was Carmilla, it had always been Carmilla.

Carmilla suddenly took an earlobe between her lips and sucked on some pressure point there which was clearly related to a place on Laura's body which was far, far from her ears. The electric jolt she felt inside made Laura blush furiously and push Carmilla off her, who laughed. She was happy, wasn't she? God it felt so real, so good, but she couldn't unsee the evidence.

"Carm, wait. Please wait."

"Oh I'm sorry, too forward?" smiled Carmilla, returning gently, murmuring against her skin. "I can hardly be blamed." She traced her lips over Laura's face, sliding her cheek lightly against hers. "I'll stop if you want me to... in a minute. Any minute now. Wait for it."

"Please, can we just go to bed?" said Laura, desperately, feeling weak at the knees and not thinking clearly. There was a beat.

"Well, cupcake, you certainly know how to send mixed signals to a girl." Carmilla laced their fingers together, kissing the back of her hand, and pulled away from the door to her bed. "Fine, have it your own way. Your wish is my command."

"No, I mean, I just - " Laura hesitated. "I just want to lie still, here with you." Carmilla looked at her carefully.

"Okay."

Lying on the bed, Carmilla held her as she wanted to be held, Laura's head on her chest. Carm's legs were all splayed out as usual, not caring where her boots had been. But her fingers, playing with Laura's hair, teasing, caressing her tired head, were as gentle as though she didn't have some unnamed evil growing inside her, gaining health at every second. Holding a monster. Kissing a monster. Wanting a monster. Laura scrunched her face up, trying to force out any feelings of repulsion from her. She wasn't even sure if this was repulsion, or just her own insecurity thinking she ought to be repulsed by the most attractive girl she'd ever met in her life. Dean possession or not, this might be the last time she'd ever have with Carmilla. And oh, she wanted her.

The Committee, as Perry called them, had made the decision based on what they knew, after an intense debate. The terrifying library had awoken finally and had broken up the meeting, but they knew what had to be done. Danny had offered, she'd offered like a hero, but Laura knew it was up to her, because it was Carm, and if Laura hurt her, at least she'd also be hurting herself.

But just for now, she wanted to pretend there was nothing wrong, that they could lay there forever, touching each other, knitted together without words, feeling at peace, the silence before the storm. Even if Carmilla was secretly someone else and Laura was about to become a close personal friend of betrayal.

Laura felt a soft kiss on her hair as Carmilla leaned into her, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"If ever," started Carmilla, and then paused for silence. Laura waited. She could feel Carmilla's jaw tense and move, testing the words. "Sweetheart, if ever you should hear bad things about me, I just want you to remember this - right now."

Startled, Laura tried lifting her head but Carmilla still had her lips pressed down, and her arms wrapped tightly around her. It felt safe and comforting, but strangely smothering at the same time. Laura squirmed a little.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh nothing," laughed Carmilla lightly, "I know the ginger brigade doesn't think much of me."

"Is that - all?"

"You know I'm not good at this, cutie. At feelings." Her nose was being kissed, Carmilla's gentle fingers were trailing her jawline, her hands moving to stroke her arms and body in a hypnotic, circular motion.

"Um, you seem -" Laura cleared her throat, "you seem to be doing an okay job." Her ears were burning as Carmilla nibbled the edges of them.

"Just letting my fingers do the talking, darling," murmured Carmilla. Darling? Why did that sound... different? Odd. Old-fashioned. Laura stilled, but then suddenly gasped as her breath caught in her mouth. Carmilla's fingers had found their way to the hem of her shirt, and she was trailing a lazy finger along the skin, stroking absently as though she was thinking of something else.

"Carm," Laura warned gently, but couldn't help moving closer into her body, hips shifting. Carmilla's chest was firm but strange beneath her hands. Laura slid her hands along her upper chest, where it was safe, along her shoulders, trying to retain the memory of how Carmilla's body felt. She couldn't be feeling like this. Carmilla's hands had stilled, one insistent palm lay flat against the skin of her back just at the hemline. Carmilla's face was muffled in Laura's hair, and she exhaled as her arms tightened.

"Ssh, I won't, I'm a lady, a well mannered young lady," Carmilla laughed at herself, against her hair and Laura felt warm breath tickling her scalp, which seemed altogether too odd for a vampire. "A gentlewoman. Whatever happens." Laura pushed closer in answer. She felt too drained and tired to cry, but her entire body felt like a tear about to drop at any moment. Her heavy eyes closed in the long silence, with Carmilla's fingers running through her hair again and she felt herself slowly drifting off.

"Just don't think badly of me, please," whispered Carmilla. "Laura." Laura, half dreaming, could hardly make out the words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Goodnight Kiss by Black Box Recorder.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading. If you have time, I'd really appreciate some comments about where you think this might be going...


	7. All Up the Seething Coast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura Hollis, cub reporter, follows a suspicious character to her cave. What will she find there?
> 
> I apologise this is kind of a filler chapter in which Laura also meets and talks to Professor Cochrane, her journalism professor. It's meant to motivate her for the plan of attack which has been mentioned but we still don't know what it actually is. Also, I like that the show made her journalism professor possibly secretly Nellie Bly, whose real surname was Cochrane. Not my best work but, meh, I'll fix it up later.

The feeling of urgency was smothering, pressing down hard on the very heart of Silas. Cold winds were whipping up dead leaves in the fields and the paths where few people walked. Dining halls were empty save for a handful of international students left who were, for whatever reason, unable, unwilling, or frankly too foolish to leave early. Still the rumblings and the quakes went on, followed by the sirens, followed by the screaming, followed by the silence. Classes which should have been full of students too stressed about the finals to come to worry about anything else, were more often than not cancelled, for many of the faculty suddenly had academic conferences which were conveniently hosted far, far away.

A strange sense of numb foreboding and horror infected everyone - the danger seemed imminent, seen only from the corner of your eye, but it was gone again if you were foolish enough to meet it head on. Life was in limbo. So far nothing major had happened, apart from the sudden rumblings and the screams for which there had been no announcements from campus security. The skeleton administration was downplaying it all, making cryptic announcements about the Dean's tragic death and memorial service after a spelunking accident, but no one but the most oblivious student believed that. Silas was an international school, it was isolated in this lush green valley of Styria and getting out was no easy task, especially now that a lot of public transport was cancelled due to "natural seismic activity" in the area. It was all people could do to go on day to day as if everything was normal, all the while waiting for the horrors to come. It was only a matter of time.

Laura sat on a bench in all this emptiness, her mittened hands holding an empty paper cup. By rights, Carmilla should have been there, with her arm around her and they should have been sitting in blissful silence each sipping their hot cocoa until Laura would break the silence with some crazy notion and Carmilla would smile and tease and lean towards her. That was how it was supposed to be. But Laura was here alone, with a decision that had already been made for her lying heavy in her heart. She just had to make sure her heart was on board with this.

* * *

 

Laura was not normally a light sleeper, but her senses were so heightened by the dangers that had unfolded yesterday that she awoke immediately in the early morning hours to see a charcoal black figure move silently around the room. She somehow instinctively knew just when Carmilla was about to slip away.

Feigning sleep, keeping her breath even, her scalp prickled even before Carmilla bent over her and kissed her lightly on her head. This couldn't be a trick, could it? Why would something so evil want to kiss her goodbye? Oh it was so confusing to want her and yet feel an abject horror at the evil lurking in her. Laura had to know.

It wasn't going to be easy to follow a vampire who could teleport in a puff of black smoke, but Laura had a little hunch where she might be found at the end.

She headed to that weird little spot near the Lustig that they saw on the Marauder's App.

 _I solemnly swear I am up to no good_ , she thought ruefully, as she'd put on her blackest clothes and rushed over there. She shook off the image of her friends warning her against this plan of action. Going off, defenceless, on her own to an area that had already been cordoned off by the university "for safety reasons". She had to be crazy. But what did they all expect? Everyone thought she should be afraid, her father, Danny, everyone. Some things were bigger than fear.

 _"Don't do it, frosh,"_ Laf would have said, _"wake us up, take us with you at least, take a wooden spatula, a coat hanger, something! You need back up, like stat."_

 _"Seriously? You tell me not to protect you but then you insist on being a walking cliché, chasing after a known evil vampire who is half Dean, in the dark, to a dangerous location, with no weapons and no backup - that's genius, Hollis."_ Maybe Danny was right, but she couldn't bear it - she had to know.

 _"What were you thinking of Laura, going off like that without telling anyone? Don't you remember what happened to Susan?"_ Sigh. Perry always made sense, but making sense would never save the world at this rate, nor her heart. Laura steeled herself. She was being stupid, but she wasn't about to send any more texts for help, not to Danny, not to anyone.

Laura wasn't just following some supervillain she didn't know. This was Carmilla. This was private, between them. Deep down, Laura still faith in her, Dean or no Dean.

The location had been fixed in her brain since she first saw it, though she had no idea exactly what would happen next when she got there. But in the dark, Laura practically stumbled over it, the crack hidden by shrubbery. It was weird, _something_ seemed to be leading her, this foreboding feeling that was like nothing she could describe. It was like a more overwhelming sense, beckoning, attracting her like a magnet and then pushing her off. Tearing her in two ways, a feeling of utter want and repulsion at the same time. It made her nauseous. _Go back, go back_ , it screamed at her, at the same time pulling her insistently closer. It was similar to what she felt about Carmilla right now, only way more intensified. This new feeling, whether evil or otherwise, was amped up to 100. She should run, she should, but still, some thread of desire to know, to be one with the truth, pushed her against it. She felt sick, but she surged ahead anyway.

It happened quickly, too quickly. In the tunnel before she got to the cave, she knew. She already knew and it hit her like a punch to her gut, making her double over in pain. Even though by that time, the feeling of repulsion and ... perhaps it was horror... physically stopped her in her tracks from going any further, no matter how much she battered against it, there was nothing wrong with her ears. She couldn't see in the dark, but in the dark she heard it all.

"Hiding in the shadows again, Elle?" she heard Carmilla tease. It echoed and Carmilla's voice was in her ears, filling her head. They sounded far from her, but she could hear them clearly. She knew the low, smoky tones so well. Her heart dropped to her stomach at that lighthearted laugh she somehow thought was only reserved for her.

"If you'd been swallowed by a hungry light, you'd be wary of it too," retorted a voice. There was quiet then but it was not quiet enough, and Laura could hear what came next. What usually came between two true lovers who have been forced apart for a hundred years. Elle. Of course.

 _"They're still alive in there,"_ Carmilla had said before.

 _"Carmilla was crying, cause in all that time she'd never been able to see her."_ She'd said that herself. What an idiot she was. They knew the girls were alive in there and yet after the battle there had never been any time to ask, what had happened to them? Laura realised then, every time she'd asked about the aftermath, something had happened to prevent Carmilla from answering, or at least she'd made it look like that. With the new dangers ahead of them, Laura had neglected to follow through on the answers. _Rookie mistake, Hollis_ , she fumed at herself. _Distracted by vampire kisses, good going._ If this was Elle, where were the rest of the sacrifices?

"It's nearly time... _[unintelligible]_ " said the soft voice that was Elle then. "I can feel it."

"This would be way easier if you'd just tell me what's coming, cupcake." Carmilla's voice was dry and Laura could almost sense Carmilla rolling her eyes. But - cupcake? That was Laura's! And heck, she didn't even like those names Carmilla gave her, because she knew half the time it was just to get a rise out of her. And the teasing banter, full of unresolved sexual tension - that was their thing, wasn't it? God, was she to be left with nothing?

"I have to keep some of my secrets. If I told you I'd lose my air of mystery," laughed Elle. So that was where Carmilla got it from. Unbelievable. And Laura was a fool to think it was Carmilla flirting with her, just for her. Nothing was real anymore. Laura couldn't breathe.

"I know you said things change but they can't change that much," said Carmilla cryptically.

"You'd be surprised," said Elle just as cryptically. "Let's say I learnt a lot being in the belly of the beast. I don't want to risk it, so you'll just have to stay in the dark... with me." The last bit was said so flirtatiously even Laura knew it for what it was. She felt sick. They'd had so little time together as it was.

Without seeing, Laura knew Carmilla would be smiling. She'd be smiling and looking at a face looking at her, trusting her. In the dark. Because Carmilla had excellent vision in the dark and could indulge herself staring at a beautiful face. And she would never look away from a face she'd missed for so many years.

Of course it was Elle. It had always been Elle. She was quiet, Laura could hardly hear her. She was probably a really lovely, ladylike beauty, all pretty and delicate and well-mannered. No wonder Carmilla loved her. Of course she would return to her. How could anyone not expect a joyful reunion between two star-crossed lovers.

Laura's heart resembled nothing so much as a still water pond into which someone had chucked a dirty big rock, only the surface of the water didn't splash and ripple, it shattered, because her heart was fragile like glass. Why would she have thought Carmilla would want her, Laura Hollis, clumsy, nerdy girl reporter, always getting in the way and making a mess. Never doing anything right, always needing to be rescued from some mistake, a total klutz. Just like her dad always said. Danny, all the rest of them too. 

 _"What were you thinking, Laura?"_ came Perry's voice again, chiding her. There was a hard lump in her throat and she couldn't cry. Well she wouldn't cry either. Not for Carmilla.

Laura had been thinking of evil. Just evil, plain and simple. She'd been thinking of magic and monsters and easy things like that. She wasn't prepared to come and find this. This, this was worse. Carmilla being human. Carmilla being loving, and loyal, only that faithfulness was not for her, it was for some other girl who had come before her. She was the interloper. But oh god, why did Carmilla have to kiss her? Cheating, well perhaps it wasn't exactly cheating, Laura didn't know what to call it, but there were the little lies, the betrayal. How sordid and strange that it should be this that would break her.

* * *

 

Laura crushed the cup in her hand.

A tall dark figure was walking from the quad towards her. As it got closer, Laura saw that it was Professor Cochrane, her journalism professor, all muffled up in a great coat. Professor Cochrane, alone out of the faculty left at Silas, seemed fearless and remote, with her steely gaze that could interrogate you with a silent look. She seemed a formidable matriarch out of the Victorian age, standing for no nonsense.

"Still here, Miss Hollis?" inquired Professor Cochrane. "I was little disappointed to see a pause in your coverage of the events here at Silas. Stories like these come once in a lifetime." She muttered as an afterthought, "literally once a generation in this case."

Laura didn't want to talk to anyone just now, but Professor Cochrane was one of her heroes and she didn't want to be rude. After all, it might be the last time she'd ever see her or attend one of her classes. But the Professor's gaze seemed to know more than she said and Laura didn't know where to look.

"I'm sorry, Professor, I guess I just needed a break. I had some things to think about. Personal things." Laura looked at the pavement in front of her. No tears for Carmilla. No tears.

"The news waits for no one Miss Hollis." Professor Cochrane paused, "I was impressed by your work thus far, you have the makings of a fine reporter, if only you'd learn to focus. Look the problem in the eye and stab it into submission with a hatpin, I always say. Not that the young use hatpins anymore but I recommend a rookie reporter carry one in their boot at all times."

Laura laughed nervously at this, as Professor Cochrane gave her a piercing look.

"You know, I see something of myself in you. As a young girl, I was also a reckless, adventuring sort of lass, prone to all sorts of wild ideas in my hunt for a good story, for the truth."

"Oh. You think I'm reckless, Professor Cochrane?" Of course she did. Add her to the list of everyone else who thought Laura Hollis was a mess. "I'm sorry. But I didn't mean to - you see it was this way -"

"Good Heavens, Miss Hollis, the whole of Silas knows you're reckless. And stop apologising. We need more reckless reporters in our midst. We have you to thank, I think, for the current events." The Professor smiled. "Not that I or some of my colleagues are complaining. Sometimes staff turnover is a breath of fresh air." The ground rumbled and belched and the professor put her hand on the bench for support. "The post-digestion phase, however, is another matter."

"I'm so sorry, Professor, I had no idea what was going to happen. We tried."

"That's as much as anyone can ask of you."

Laura looked at the Professor curiously. Professory Cochrane was surprisingly approachable up close though quite fearsome in front of a lecture hall. Laura hesitated.

"Professor - have you ever had to do something that was pretty crazy - like, just off the top of my head maybe jumping into a large pit containing an angry fish monster with no bear spray and just a handful of ... mushrooms - and you know this will cause grief to people you lo-like, but seems like the only possible solution? Because otherwise, people might die. But then, you might die and everyone you like might die and pretty much there's a lot of death in this scenario. Which is completely made up, of course." Laura took a deep breath after her run-on speech.

"Of course. Well. It appears you have something of grave decision to make, Miss Hollis. Pun intended. Is it in pursuit of a story?"

"I think it might be. It'll uncover the truth, some kind of truth. I can't sit here and do nothing, but I just don't know how I can ever do it. I have to do it alone. Everything's riding on it, everyone's depending on me. But I'll have to - it might hurt someone very much to do it. And I'm scared."

"It must be a very hard decision if you're sitting out here, cold and alone by the perimeter around the Lustig while most of your classmates have fled the campus in terror." Professor Cochrane looked thoughtfully of Laura. "I'm of the mind that the search for the truth is everything, and everything that we are, everything that we have must fall away in pursuit of that truth. Even love." She looked hard at Laura, "I daresay it is an extreme view."

"It's important to have something to anchor you, this is true. Everyone needs support, friends. Love. But when you are in the midst of it, of a battle, of some dangerous situation, what you really need to be able to depend on, without question, is yourself. And you need to keep telling the story, Miss Hollis.

When I was a young girl of your age, Miss Hollis, my heart was set on righting wrongs and my calling was to report the news that no one else wanted to touch. Once I got myself committed to a women's insane asylum, the worst place in all of New York City. I was on an adventure, I thought it would be a lark to infiltrate one of those places. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

It was a living hell, the worst place I'd ever found myself in, and the women there - well, if they had not been insane when they went in they certainly were after staying there and being abused and treated like animals. Cruelty, by humans, can sometimes be much worse than anything else. My treatment was no different. I was afraid, very afraid, Miss Hollis. After going in it seemed there was no way out.

But my editor knew where I was, he was the only one. It was a big secret in order not to tip off the authorities or the doctors - the men that diagnosed me as mad based on the mere fact that I was a woman. A woman with no power, no thought of her own. Maybe I'd be safer locked up and protected, eh? After ten days of the most brutal, callous treatment, my editor got me out of there, and I was able to tell the story of those ill-treated women and that hellish place and enable reform to pass on the treatment of the mentally ill.

I was lucky. It could have been a very bad situation. My editor was a good man who trusted in me, and that was my anchor. But. He didn't save me, Miss Hollis. I survived."

Laura was stunned for a moment. It meant a lot - so much - that the professor was taking some kind of interest in her. She was the only one who hadn't spoken of protection, of wrapping poor little Laura Hollis up in cotton wool. Perhaps recklessness was kind of the key after all. If she was going to mess up, damn it, she was going to mess up good and then blow this mess wide open.

The professor's story, though, sounded strangely familiar - 

"Wow. That's, um, amazing, Professor Cochrane. Wow. Thanks so much for saying that. But er, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't Nellie Bly cover that story -"

"Miss Hollis, if doing this thing that you find hard will save lives, then do it. No matter the personal cost to yourself. That is our duty as intrepid reporters. Good day to you, and I recommend not eating the shepherds pie in the cafeteria today, it appears to have been made with vat-grown brains from the genetics lab and some of the Alchemy Club's finest mushroom experiments." With that, Professor Cochrane walked briskly away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song by the Mountain Goats, yeah!
> 
> I don't even know anymore what this fic is, whether it's an angsty drama or ridic comedy. But more action coming very shortly, promise. Comment and help me out with your opinions, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if this story will work that well so I can't promise I'll ever finish it, but I'll try. Let me know what you think, whether you like it or hate it.


End file.
